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The "Cutting Off" Effect

Most of my life I have been a mover. As you might imagine, this means I have moved a lot. From one school, one town, one city one state…to another. Before I was 18 I moved at least 20 different times, so I consider that movement. Anyway, this is not whining or complaining, but rather explaining my approach to people and relationships in a more general sense. This movement is what gave me the ability to speak with people, to make friends easily and move freely from one crowd to the next.

I can’t lie and state that I was the coolest kid in school, because I was the nerdiest little girl starting from 6th grade and beyond. My Xena obsession, AOL chat room RPG sessions and red stringy ginger hair were some causes of my misfortune. Even with this, I usually had friends, lots of new friends that I made and then moved away from. This gives me the ability to make friends, but not necessarily the ability to keep them. Facebook is the new and improved, obvious way of holding on to friends, but that’s easy. You write someone a message every once in a while, then you get back to them at another time right where you left off, perhaps years in the future.

This might be a reason in which I am unaware of things such as girl culture or the “cutting off” of ones friendship. Usually I would move and then the friendship would end because we were little kids or now I will still have the easy friendships on Facebook. For those of you unaware of the “cutting off”, this is a term I am using where a person suddenly decides they can no longer be around you. They are ending the friendship because the two of you are just not compatible. I think this is fair, not everyone is meant to get along. I’m assuming guys have this as well, but I’m not sure of how that would be handled either.

While I remain that not everyone is meant to be friends, I think there is an approach that should be taken and possibly a reason involved. The reasoning I am unsure of, because sometimes a person just doesn’t like another person. No one is to blame for that, but if that was the instance, why were you friends in the first place.

Now we get to my story, my side of the story specifically because I do not have the ability to see her perspective. I also just do not understand entirely what is happening in the first place. Recently I was told my a friend that I considered myself to be rather close with, that I was too much and she just needed to step back from me for a little while. Obviously, this hurt my feelings, but I like honesty and I don’ t want people pretending to be friends with me that are not. She said it had nothing to do with are argument previously, our first and last fight.

A week before this event I had actually met one of her friends that I hadn’t previously known. Long story short, we didn’t get along. I apologized and admitted that I was an ass. I refused to take full responsibility though, because from my perspective, neither her friend nor me were right that night. Once again, I can only see from my perspective. I never asked for an apology, I just refused to believe I was the only one to blame and wanted to move on from that. Then I received the Gchat message that apparently has nothing to do with this situation.
The only thing I know at this moment is that she states she has felt like this for a while, that I was just too much for her and she needed to back off. Meanwhile, our friendship consisted of me sleeping on her living floor when we were all sick and talking about traveling with each other to Scotland to see her boyfriend. While it was confusing, I can still say it’s acceptable to back off a little bit.

The frustrating part comes in the form of her not being able to be seen in the same room as I am. If I was just too much and she needed to back off, why can she no longer be in the same room with me? There are parties happening with mutual friends and when they ask her to come, the first question is always whether I am going to be there or not. When we see each other in a coffee shop she dodges me. When I see her at red lights I have to sit awkwardly on my scooter because she’s right next to me, right behind me or right in front of me. This happens almost always twice a week so it’s a real pain in the ass.

To be honest, I’m not really hurt or angered by the situation. I’m confused by it and I’m sorry to the mutual friends we have that seem to be involved. A lot of them feel as if various scenarios we have encountered, such as important life events that she won’t appear at (because I will be there) are personally insulting them. I have wanted to attend events that I have become uninvited to, because she will be attending. No one wants a scene is what I’m told, but what scene? Aren’t we adults that should be able to keep our shit together?

I’m not sure what to do in this situation, but nothing can be resolved until people are willing to meet in the same room to discuss their issues. Not everyone has to be a friend after all; they just have to figure out how to coexist peacefully. Otherwise, I’m going to get an ulcer.


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