Let's talk about...me.
I'm sure the idea of talking about me comes as a big shock, since this is a blog post written by me and generally about me. While this blog post is definitely going to be about me, it's also going to be about other things such as turning 30 and also expectations of society.
On April 9th, I will be 30 years old.Strangely enough, I'm not even a little worried about the prospect of being 30. I'm still slightly worried about the idea of death, but that's never going to end because I've been born in to a society that feels that every single one of us should be special and none of us should be forgotten. I fear mortality, not death. This is even KNOWING the very fact that I'm nothing special and should stop being such an asshole to think anyone should ever remember me in the future (I should probably remember this the next time I decide to write another post all about myself).
The idea of me not worrying about getting old comes at a surprise for the following...
When I was in Kindergarten I used to play with older kids in my neighborhood. They were probably middle school and high school aged kids. We would always play house and I was always the baby. Even at this age I knew that infants were where it was at. I needed to have that, I needed to be a baby again. Those tiny bitches never got in to trouble either. From then on, as I grew, I always saw the smaller aged kids and just thought to myself how lucky those little bitches were. They were smaller, therefore, they were cuter. The only time I ever lied about being older was when I was 9 and I lied saying that I was 10. It was because my step-brother's friend would only give out number stickers for ages. There were no number 9's, so obviously I had to pretend to be 10. I got that damned sticker though.
This idea of never being young enough continued until I was probably 25. At this age I was still having guys ask me if I was legal before they asked me out. Yes, there is a limit to wanting to be younger and this was just a little bit creepy.
Now at the almost age of 30, I realize there are a few things I probably should have accomplished according to standards of society.
- Marriage: Yes, I am putting marriage as number one on the list because it seems to be all anyone can ever ask or seem to care about. First question if you have no ring: Are you seeing someone? No. I mention out loud at a party that I may never get married because I'm not sure it's for me. The question from across the very long table is...why is that? Well, why does it matter?...Don't you want children? (I know someone that put that they were in a relationship on Facebook and received at least 60 comments and over 100 likes. I'm still confused on my feelings because I'm happy for the person...but...I'm confused.)
- Children: Even though I might never be married, there is this whole thing with children. Of course I want to be a narcissist that has myself recreated in to tiny humans running around the planet. Things I don't want include; going bankrupt, changing poop, dealing with another person forever if it turns out I hate them (the co-parent, not the child) and also the lifelong commitment to another human that I am now supposed to put before myself (the child).
- Career: This is a fair question. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know what I want to do with my time. I know what I want to do with my time at this moment. I don't know what I want to do with my time 30 years from now. I am just hoping things that interest me will keep me occupied until I die one day.
- Do people even ask questions after this point?
Goals in life: I don't know. I'll figure it out eventually. I say never to nothing because I change my mind a lot.
I'm pretty sure everything about this post says I have a fear of committing. In order to fix this I should probably get married and have a baby. It's the right thing to do as an American.
So what things should I be accomplishing now that I'm 30? Don't tell me what I should have accomplished by now because that's just a waste of time until time machines have been invented. Even then, the best I can hope for is that my alternate universe self goes back in time to fix that version of me. Otherwise, let's stick with what is tangible.