Skip to main content

Almost 30...Death...and Just Words

Let's talk 

I'm sure the idea of talking about me comes as a big shock, since this is a blog post written by me and generally about me. While this blog post is definitely going to be about me, it's also going to be about other things such as turning 30 and also expectations of society. 

On April 9th, I will be 30 years old.Strangely enough, I'm not even a little worried about the prospect of being 30. I'm still slightly worried about the idea of death, but that's never going to end because I've been born in to a society that feels that every single one of us should be special and none of us should be forgotten. I fear mortality, not death. This is even KNOWING the very fact that I'm nothing special and should stop being such an asshole to think anyone should ever remember me in the future (I should probably remember this the next time I decide to write another post all about myself).

The idea of me not worrying about getting old comes at a surprise for the following...

When I was in Kindergarten I used to play with older kids in my neighborhood. They were probably middle school and high school aged kids. We would always play house and I was always the baby. Even at this age I knew that infants were where it was at. I needed to have that, I needed to be a baby again. Those tiny bitches never got in to trouble either. From then on, as I grew, I always saw the smaller aged kids and just thought to myself how lucky those little bitches were. They were smaller, therefore, they were cuter. The only time I ever lied about being older was when I was 9 and I lied saying that I was 10. It was because my step-brother's friend would only give out number stickers for ages. There were no number 9's, so obviously I had to pretend to be 10. I got that damned sticker though.

This idea of never being young enough continued until I was probably 25. At this age I was still having guys ask me if I was legal before they asked me out. Yes, there is a limit to wanting to be younger and this was just a little bit creepy. 

Now at the almost age of 30, I realize there are a few things I probably should have accomplished according to standards of society. 
  1. Marriage: Yes, I am putting marriage as number one on the list because it seems to be all anyone can ever ask or seem to care about. First question if you have no ring: Are you seeing someone? No. I mention out loud at a party that I may never get married because I'm not sure it's for me. The question from across the very long table is...why is that? Well, why does it matter?...Don't you want children? (I know someone that put that they were in a relationship on Facebook and received at least 60 comments and over 100 likes. I'm still confused on my feelings because I'm happy for the person...but...I'm confused.)
  2. Children: Even though I might never be married, there is this whole thing with children. Of course I want to be a narcissist that has myself recreated in to tiny humans running around the planet. Things I don't want include; going bankrupt, changing poop, dealing with another person forever if it turns out I hate them (the co-parent, not the child) and also the lifelong commitment to another human that I am now supposed to put before myself (the child). 
  3. Career: This is a fair question. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know what I want to do with my time. I know what I want to do with my time at this moment. I don't know what I want to do with my time 30 years from now. I am just hoping things that interest me will keep me occupied until I die one day. 
  4. Do people even ask questions after this point?
You can thank long life spans for people that think like me because I'm not the only one. There are too many people surviving in to their 100s these days, which means it's not realistic to retire at the age of 60. There are too many people on the planet fighting for resources to continue to recreate them and recreate them and recreate them. Personally, I believe "homosexuality" is just another form of evolution in order to cut back on the many humans that are already running the planet. At some point I'm guessing whatever creator you believe in is saying, "Wait, hold up. Don't be such greedy bitches? Twenty kids? Really?" This is me paraphrasing obviously. 

Goals in life: I don't know. I'll figure it out eventually. I say never to nothing because I change my mind a lot. 

I'm pretty sure everything about this post says I have a fear of committing. In order to fix this I should probably get married and have a baby. It's the right thing to do as an American.

So what things should I be accomplishing now that I'm 30? Don't tell me what I should have accomplished by now because that's just a waste of time until time machines have been invented. Even then, the best I can hope for is that my alternate universe self goes back in time to fix that version of me. Otherwise, let's stick with what is tangible. 


Popular posts from this blog

Sutton Foster or Patti Lupone? Both.

"Broadway has been very good to me. But then, I've been very good to broadway."Ethel Merman

When I was 18 years old I went to my first Broadway show, the original broadway production of Mamma Mia. At the time Tina Maddigan was the lead and at the time I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Truthfully, I still have a special spot for that show and also for the lead. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I don't see how anyone can truly forget their first show. My actual first show was watching Nutcracker in downtown Jacksonville. My teacher told me to watch for the tree and as it rose from it's spot it was spectacular. This means you will never forget your first show and you will never forget your first broadway spectacular. 

For those of you who liked the movie Mamma Mia (entire city of London), I thought it sucked. 

When I was 19 and I moved to New York, I was officially obsessed with going to the theatre. Usually, I only went to see cele…

Dear White People. Dear Humans. Another skinny white girl talking about racism in America...

Dear fellow white people: please stop using the reference "All Lives Matter". Also stop using the reference "white privilege". One is a defensive action, the other is white guilt trying to force white guilt. Both assume that you understand what it means to be a black citizen in this country. Both are responses to white guilt. I do not know the struggle, and I am not guilty just because I was born white. I've done nothing wrong, I will not apologize for something I had no control over. White privilege was never something I experienced, especially while I grew up in trailer parks...with other poor white people.

How about instead of indignation, we just all support the cause of Black Lives Matter? This will be your way of showing that all lives matter without saying it. When there is a peaceful protest, maybe you should join. There should be blacks, whites, cops, hispanics, everyone joining together. We don't have to be on any one side other than justice. Any p…

Selfish Buncha Bitches

Today's is a little bit of an add on to what I wrote yesterday. 
Today I was reading yet another article about personality. This particular article was written about attachment styles and how to fix your particular style. I can remember reading about this while getting my psych degree and thought the same thing I thought then. Damn, I am fucked. I'm also the person that reads articles about how to spot a sociopath and wonder whether I am actually a sociopath. That's not really the point though. 
There is another article about personality. Another article about what might be wrong with us. Another article on how we can actually fix what is wrong with us. This is sort of what the quizzes themselves are about. The difference between them is that the quizzes only fill out the good parts of who you think you are. These articles seem to emphasize everything that is wrong with you. How do you fix you?
There isn't really anything wrong with this because really it just makes us…