Most of my life I have been a mover. As you might imagine,
this means I have moved a lot. From one school, one town, one city one state…to
another. Before I was 18 I moved at least 20 different times, so I consider
that movement. Anyway, this is not whining or complaining, but rather
explaining my approach to people and relationships in a more general sense.
This movement is what gave me the ability to speak with people, to make friends
easily and move freely from one crowd to the next.
I can’t lie and state that I was the coolest kid in school,
because I was the nerdiest little girl starting from 6th grade and
beyond. My Xena obsession, AOL chat room RPG sessions and red stringy ginger
hair were some causes of my misfortune. Even with this, I usually had friends,
lots of new friends that I made and then moved away from. This gives me the
ability to make friends, but not necessarily the ability to keep them. Facebook
is the new and improved, obvious way of holding on to friends, but that’s easy.
You write someone a message every once in a while, then you get back to them at
another time right where you left off, perhaps years in the future.
This might be a reason in which I am unaware of things such
as girl culture or the “cutting off” of ones friendship. Usually I would move
and then the friendship would end because we were little kids or now I will
still have the easy friendships on Facebook. For those of you unaware of the
“cutting off”, this is a term I am using where a person suddenly decides they
can no longer be around you. They are ending the friendship because the two of
you are just not compatible. I think this is fair, not everyone is meant to get
along. I’m assuming guys have this as well, but I’m not sure of how that would
be handled either.
While I remain that not everyone is meant to be friends, I
think there is an approach that should be taken and possibly a reason involved.
The reasoning I am unsure of, because sometimes a person just doesn’t like
another person. No one is to blame for that, but if that was the instance, why
were you friends in the first place.
Now we get to my story, my side of the story specifically
because I do not have the ability to see her perspective. I also just do not
understand entirely what is happening in the first place. Recently I was told
my a friend that I considered myself to be rather close with, that I was too
much and she just needed to step back from me for a little while. Obviously,
this hurt my feelings, but I like honesty and I don’ t want people pretending
to be friends with me that are not. She said it had nothing to do with are
argument previously, our first and last fight.
A week before this event I had actually met one of her
friends that I hadn’t previously known. Long story short, we didn’t get along.
I apologized and admitted that I was an ass. I refused to take full
responsibility though, because from my perspective, neither her friend nor me
were right that night. Once again, I can only see from my perspective. I never
asked for an apology, I just refused to believe I was the only one to blame and
wanted to move on from that. Then I received the Gchat message that apparently
has nothing to do with this situation.
The only thing I know at this moment is that she states she
has felt like this for a while, that I was just too much for her and she needed
to back off. Meanwhile, our friendship consisted of me sleeping on her living
floor when we were all sick and talking about traveling with each other to
Scotland to see her boyfriend. While it was confusing, I can still say it’s
acceptable to back off a little bit.
The frustrating part comes in the form of her not being able
to be seen in the same room as I am. If I was just too much and she needed to
back off, why can she no longer be in the same room with me? There are parties
happening with mutual friends and when they ask her to come, the first question
is always whether I am going to be there or not. When we see each other in a
coffee shop she dodges me. When I see her at red lights I have to sit awkwardly
on my scooter because she’s right next to me, right behind me or right in front
of me. This happens almost always twice a week so it’s a real pain in the ass.
To be honest, I’m not really hurt or angered by the
situation. I’m confused by it and I’m sorry to the mutual friends we have that seem
to be involved. A lot of them feel as if various scenarios we have encountered,
such as important life events that she won’t appear at (because I will be
there) are personally insulting them. I
have wanted to attend events that I have become uninvited to, because she will
be attending. No one wants a scene is what I’m told, but what scene? Aren’t we
adults that should be able to keep our shit together?
I’m not sure what to
do in this situation, but nothing can be resolved until people are willing to
meet in the same room to discuss their issues. Not everyone has to be a friend
after all; they just have to figure out how to coexist peacefully. Otherwise,
I’m going to get an ulcer.
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